Sometimes It’s the Little Things Part 2

Image by anitacanita via Flickr

Well, here I sit bored at home so I figured I would see if I could expand on the last post a little.

Last night, I had a nice long telephone call with the man I love. We mostly talked about what we’d done all day. It hit me how much that means to me. To just sit and talk about what we’ve done during the day that past…..Yah the little things.

Then I got to thinking about how this relationship is built on so many little things. Or at least it is for me. There have been no “I love you” or “I want to be together” kind of conversations as of yet. But he’s done so many little things that say just how much I mean to him. Like the phone calls.

The first time he called me was to find out exactly which book in the Anita Blake series I was not going to be able to get from my local library. He was at this used book store and looking for that book, which he bought for me. He’s actually gotten me quite a few books from there. I think going to that bookstore is going to be one of the things I miss more than makes sense.

Then there is the way he tells me just about everything going on with him now. Its slowly gone from him venting from time to time… to him sharing most of what is going on in his life. The good, The bad, and the indifferent.

I suppose when someone makes an hour plus trip while sick to see you because they know its a very important day for you says a lot too. The day I graduated from college, that’s exactly what he did. I still don’t know if he realized just how much him being there made my day so much better. It was also the first time he met my sister and nephew.

I think what stands out the most is the fact that during several of the “where are we going from here” kind of conversations his reasons for not crossing certain lines have been the fact that he does care for me. Its like he doesn’t want to make certain commitments until his life is stable. This is pretty frustrating for me at times, but I totally respect that. It lets me know that he’s not playing games. (Which is such a nice change from most of the men who have passed through my life.)

I think my most cherished memory to date is the night he came up so I could scan some documents for him to mail back for his job offer. First of all, just hanging out with him is always awesome even if we don’t do anything or talk about much of anything. Then he was telling me about his plans to travel and how he hopes this assignment leads to a better one with the same company (but still outside the us *frowns*). It was a really nice night. It was good to hear of the things he wants out of life, and to get the feeling that maybe he wants me to come along on his journey.

That night was the first night I realized how much feeling was there when we kissed goodbye. I am not sure if anything change or if I was just more receptive to it. It was during this time I realized that I truly love him. Again, it was a little thing that forced me to see just how much he has come to mean to me. The fact that I want this job to work out for him so much even though him being gone for 9 months is going to be rough on me….. that just is not like me. I am a selfish, self-centered person when it comes to what I want. But in this case, I know his best chance at being happy for a change is to go to this job and where ever it may lead him. I am just hoping hard that once I ask him out right if I am a part of his hopes for his future that I get the answer I want……the little things are pointing to a strong possibility that the answer is the one I want to hear.