A more personal Post

So I’ve not posted in a long time for the blog world. There are so many complex reasons behind this. Mostly I have been trying to deal with a personal issue and using PSP and a website/chat to attempt to cope.

I am going through a rough time financially, as are a lot of Americans. I am dealing with the man I love dearly leaving in less than 4 days for Kuwait. I am trying to learn to be strong, and learning to hope for the best while preparing for the worst.

I feel the need to post “our” story. I need to get it out of my head I guess. I met him via a social networking site called Tagged. They have a matching thing/application that matches you with people based on location preferences. If I recall correctly, he clicked yes to me on that application. Either way, one of us clicked yes and the other clicked match. So we added each other as friends and that was it for awhile.

One day I happened to notice his status there was something about not feeling good and to contact him at a yahoo messenger address if you wanted to talk. On a whim (and because I can’t stand to think of anyone feeling badly!) I added him and told him I hoped he felt better soon. I don’t remember if this was just before Thanksgiving or Christmas for sure, but my instinct says Thanksgiving. We talked pretty steady for a few days and had a ton of things in common, but enough of a difference of opinion to make the conversations interesting. I felt that I would love to get to know him better if only I didn’t have feelings for someone else at that time. So I eventually stopped IMing him much, if I did at all, for a month or two.

Right around my birthday, I found out the hard way that the person I had feelings for was a true ass. Though I’d never asked for or gotten any commitment, I was pretty obvious about how I felt for him. Hell, its always obvious when I care for someone. I eventually started talking with the guy from tagged again, and found I still enjoyed talking with him. He was so sweet, and smart. We chatted via yahoo for a few weeks. He had a comedy thing coming up, and I wanted to go support him. So I had made plans to do so, but we ended up meeting a week or so before that.

One day we were chatting in yahoo, as usual, and were both bored and wanting to just get out of the house. I am shy as hell when it comes to making plans with someone, especially if we have never met in person before. I ended up asking a girl friend who lived not too far from the town he and I would end up meeting up in if she knew anything good to do. She and I were making plans to meet for a bite to eat (we’d never met before either) and I was doing my best to get him to join us. I tried everything. I even pulled the “you have to eat, you might as well come along” and offered to pay. I NEVER offer to pay the first time out..EVER!!! He still refused though he kept thanking me for the offer. I told him I was going (he’d given me directions to the restaurant we were going to meet up at) and signed off after telling my girlfriend I’d see her in about an hour.

The whole way there, I  was wishing my tagged friend would show up. But I was jazzed about meeting Kitty for the first time. I ended up going way to far and turning around a zillion times before Kitty finally helped me find the place via phone and waving like a mad woman from the parking lot. I pulled in, we hugged and all that then started towards the restaurant. As we hit the side walk, a man was approaching us. Took me a second but it was HIM! I was mortified and happy at the same time. I’d not changed clothes or anything and was a bit grungy. Nevertheless, I squealed (or I thing it was that loud) “OMG (NAME HERE)!!!!!” and hug him. We had a nice dinner with Kitty and her friends. He laughed at me off and on all night and I was fairly entertained by him as well. He has always had a knack for making me laugh.

After dinner, he and I stood outside the restaurant and talked for several hours. (This was in February and it was rather nippy). He told a bunch of stories, most of which I would be hard pressed to remember but sometimes pull up the info if he mentions something from them again. Eventually we both left and went home of course.

  I was so stoked when I got home. This guy was totally like I expected which was very nice. Most people put up a front when they are talking on line with others. There is so many more stories about our time together I’d like to tell, but this post is already very long. Maybe I will do a few more posts about some of the better stories in the next few days. Hopefully you guys enjoyed my silly story…… All I can say I have enjoyed being a part of his life these past few months, and him leaving is tearing me apart. But if we both want to be together, we will find away to deal with the distance and make things work.

Paint Shop Pro

Its official. I am an addict! For the past few days I have been using Paint Ship Pro 8 to edit photos, and it is just amazing. I am still learning how to do most of the really fun stuff, but what I can do is pretty spiffy.

One great aspect of PSP is that you can get plug-ins!! I have two I am using at the moment. One is free. It is called almathera. It has some pretty spiffy effects it can do. You can check it out and download it here.

The best one, which seems to offer limited use demos, is Eye Candy. This thing is SICK! The demos are pretty limited in functionality, though you can preview all the possible effects. To find out more about it, click here.

Another cool feature of PSP is the picture tubes. I am still wrapping my head around the concept, but- in essence- you click to drop a fully colored picture from a preformatted tube…… I have a bunch of sites I’ve randomly checked out and gotten a few tubes from. Some have monthly, yearly or even life time fees to get member’s only graphics. All of them have at least a few free ones. (I will have a bunch of links at the end of this post to some of the sites!)

Custom brushes are pretty sweet too. For example you can have a brush that, instead of making just a regular line or circle, puts down a cloud or a flower. These are a bit cooler than tubes in that you can select your color. Though I tend to use layering and such to recolor anything that does not fit into my idea of the image I am trying to make!

So, that’s my newest addiction! One can get a trial download of PSP from the makers website by clicking the try it free button on this page. It is a newer version than the one I am using, however I hear from most PSP enthusiasts that PSP 8 is the best. Could just be a whole liking what you are used to thing though!

Some Links

Butterfly Web Graphics

Luxury's

Lories Web Graphics – tubes and such are under goodies

Gail's Brushes

Michelle's Paint Shop- this one seems to have some interesting tutorials and TONS of free graphics for PSP newbies!

The Claddagh

 

Since I was young, the claddagh ring has fascinated me. Its symbolism is pretty apparent to me and always was.  There are several interpretations, but they essentially mean the same thing. One goes: “The hands are there for friendship, the heart is there for love. For loyalty throughout the year, the crown is raised above.”  The other…which I just found and like a lot more…. goes: “With my two hands I give you my heart, and crown it with my love.'”

From these statements one can guess that this ring is traditionally given as an engagement or a wedding ring. It may also be given as a token of friendship. The way the person wears it is indicative of there romantic availability (assuming they know the symbolism of how to wear it). And again we have two slightly varying systems. The first says that “in friendship: on the right hand, with the point of the heart towards the fingertip. engagement: on the right hand, with heart pointing to the wrist. marriage: on the left hand, with heart pointing to the wrist.”  The second- and again my preferred version- says “The ring is worn on the right hand with the heart facing outward to show that the wearer is not romantically linked but is looking for love. When turned inwards, it is shown that the wearer is in a relationship, or their heart has been "captured"…The ring worn on the left hand with the heart facing outward shows the wearer is engaged; turned inward indicates the wearer is married.”

I have had a claddagh for several years. Not long after my last SO and I got together, I was shopping online and found the ring. I asked him to buy it for me, so he did. I am not even sure if he realized how much the symbolism of this ring means to me. I wore it for most of the time we were together, but stopped wearing it for a while after we split. After a few months, I put it back on. To be honest, I am always in search of love. Not necessarily romantic love, but that connection with another human being that goes deep. I have so many friends who do love me dearly and I love each of them to the depths of my soul. I am the luckiest woman alive in so many ways.

Two days ago, I finally turned my claddagh around to face towards my wrist on my right hand. My heart belongs to my best friend. He’s not in a position to return my feeling, but that is getting better. I actually suspect he does return my feelings to an extent but cannot act upon that. Either way, I know he cares and that I am important to him. And I know I would walk through the fires of Hades to be with him.

In two weeks or less he will be in a far away land, but doing the job he loves. He will be getting his life back on track, and I am whole heartedly behind that. Though said heart will be hurting, I can endure this as long as there is a chance we can try to build something together in time. If that turns out to not be our fates, then I have a wonderful friend who has helped me realize what I truly value in a life partner. As I said earlier, I am the luckiest woman alive in the ways that count and am more aware of that each day.

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To read more about the claddagh, its legend and more visit the sources I used to get the quotes in this blog. One is a Wikipedia article. The other can be found here

 

Music Great Passes at the age of 94

Image by emurray via Flickr

A musical great passed today at the age of 94 from pneumonia complications. This man’s contributions to music, especially guitar music, are legendary. Les Paul (June 9, 1915 – August 13, 2009) was adding electronics to guitars and pioneering multi-track recording before the microchip was around. He was also the godfather of Steve Miller of the Steve Miller Band.

Though he had no formal training in music or electronics, his Gibson guitar is often the guitar of choice for many of today’s musical starts. He also was a pioneer in the art of overdubbing where by a sound is added after the original recording has been made. Mr. Paul led a long and accomplished life. You can read more about him on Wikipedia or here.

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• Les Paul, RIP (brooklynvegan.com)

America’s Got Talent

Image via Wikipedia

For the past several weeks, I have spent several hours on Tuesday and Wednesday nights watching this TV show. Its American Idol on crack…. seriously! I have never been a fan of Idol, though I adore music. America’s Got Talent has music and so much more.

Any type of act is accepted into the auditions. Those shows were wickedly entertaining at times for the shear “I can’t believe they think that is talent” factor. Then there are the surprisingly entertaining acts, such as the married couple that has a juggling chain saws act. Not all that original, but they add there own spice to it.

The judges for this competition are Sharon Osborne, David Hasselhoff, and Piers Morgan. They provide some very colorful commentary at times. The constructive criticism is good as well. In the semifinal show tonight, the two most given of these criticisms were to either add variety or to pull the act into something more cohesive and less confusing.

Tonight’s show included several musicians, a flip act, and several dancers. I have my favorites but forgot to get the numbers to call. One of the stand outs tonight was a dance team called Paradizo Dance. They are newlyweds and so cute together. Tonight they danced to a song by Beyonce called Halo. Very beautiful song and a beautiful dance from the pair. I was in tears…. the song sort of has meaning for me, plus you can see how in love this couple is when they look at each other. Very moving moment.

A great musical act was the Voices of Glory. This is a trio of two brothers and a sister. The girl is the youngest at 9 years of age. She has a wonderful singing voice, as they all do. The oldest boy is so very well spoken when interviewed on the show that it amazes me sometimes. Well spoken humans are few and far between.

A second musical act that I would like to see go through is the Texas Tenors. This is another trio of three friends. These gentlemen are not only easy on the eyes, they actually have some musical talent. As with most of the musical acts on shows like these, they could use a tad bit of polishing. It doesn’t detract from the entertainment value one bit though! I am hoping if they do make it, they take the Hoff’s advice and go for a ballad next round.

Be sure to visit the link in the first paragraph for the America's Got Talent site. You can watch entire shows and so much more there. Tonight's show has more highlights that the three I tagged here!

A New Hobby?

I spent most of two hours Sunday night playing in Paint Shop, trying to combine some pictures into something artistic. I learned a lot about what NOT to do and a bit about what works for what I was trying. I ended up with two finished projects, one of which I uploaded to some of my online albums thanks to a cell phone that takes a microSD card. The other I will probably just hold onto for a bit *wink*

Some how this kept me pretty amused and occasionally frustrated. If I hadn’t been trying to use this distraction to keep me off the web (over my limit this month so got to avoid using up major megabytes trying to keep myself entertained), I would have just hit up some of the bajillion online tutorials for the program. I am considering getting a YouTube download program in order to save some of the video ones to my computer so I can view them offline. At least this way I will have something to do when hitting the net from home stops being an options for a while.

The Joys of Using WiFi

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

One of the major things I do every week is take my mother to one of our local colleges since her restrictions include no driving for the time being. This college does offer wifi internet, unsecured…it’s pretty pimp and has never been an issue. Until now.

It is Monday morning, I have at least one program to update and several I want to download…..and I can only get a local connection. For those who may not understand all the lingo, what this means is I am connected to the router but the router isn’t letting me out the the world wide web. *growls with frustration*

So my options now are to wait and see if this gets resolved, head to the local library when it opens, hit the one Wendy’s restaurant that I know has free wifi, Pay for wifi at McDonald’s…..yah the first and last one are not happening. I could wait until tomorrow afternoon when mom has another class, but- truthfully- I just don’t want to. Its one of those things where if I don’t do it today, I am about half likely to forget. The fun part is that I have about a half hour or so to kill before either the library or Wendy’s opens.

**edit**

Turns out there is a wide spread internet outage. I did find out our local Burger King has free wifi though. I wonder if there are any local wifi spots that are NOT using the net provider who is down?

**edit 2**

BK's wifi came back up just as I was getting ready to walk out *grins* So I finally got the things I wanted done, done! WooT!

The things I learned at the rodeo

Last night I went to my first ever rodeo. I have watched rodeo on TV from time to time, but live its a bit different. No commercial breaks for one thing! I had a good time last night, and I even learned a thing or two

One of the first things I learned is the women have no better fashion sense than men. There was one female in the crowd in tight jeans…which is cool if you have the body for it. She didn’t. Wearing your pants under your belly is not sexy. Camel-toe is even less sexy….the woman needs a visit from the fashion police ASAP!

I also learned my mom and I have way different views on cool. There was a lady who had sleeves (a tattoo thing). Ma was tripping about how stupid they were. I personally think sleeves are badass when done right. If I wasn’t trying to get a job in a field where looks do matter somewhat, I’d so be getting sleeves instead of a more normal, hideable tattoo.

These are just two of the lessons learned last night. They stand out to me for some reason. All in all, the rodeo was cool. The one rodeo clown and announcer had a nice back and forth going on all night which kept the whole deal from being boring. And I had my first ever funnel cake ...those are gooooooood!

Sometimes It’s the Little Things Part 2

Image by anitacanita via Flickr

Well, here I sit bored at home so I figured I would see if I could expand on the last post a little.

Last night, I had a nice long telephone call with the man I love. We mostly talked about what we’d done all day. It hit me how much that means to me. To just sit and talk about what we’ve done during the day that past…..Yah the little things.

Then I got to thinking about how this relationship is built on so many little things. Or at least it is for me. There have been no “I love you” or “I want to be together” kind of conversations as of yet. But he’s done so many little things that say just how much I mean to him. Like the phone calls.

The first time he called me was to find out exactly which book in the Anita Blake series I was not going to be able to get from my local library. He was at this used book store and looking for that book, which he bought for me. He’s actually gotten me quite a few books from there. I think going to that bookstore is going to be one of the things I miss more than makes sense.

Then there is the way he tells me just about everything going on with him now. Its slowly gone from him venting from time to time… to him sharing most of what is going on in his life. The good, The bad, and the indifferent.

I suppose when someone makes an hour plus trip while sick to see you because they know its a very important day for you says a lot too. The day I graduated from college, that’s exactly what he did. I still don’t know if he realized just how much him being there made my day so much better. It was also the first time he met my sister and nephew.

I think what stands out the most is the fact that during several of the “where are we going from here” kind of conversations his reasons for not crossing certain lines have been the fact that he does care for me. Its like he doesn’t want to make certain commitments until his life is stable. This is pretty frustrating for me at times, but I totally respect that. It lets me know that he’s not playing games. (Which is such a nice change from most of the men who have passed through my life.)

I think my most cherished memory to date is the night he came up so I could scan some documents for him to mail back for his job offer. First of all, just hanging out with him is always awesome even if we don’t do anything or talk about much of anything. Then he was telling me about his plans to travel and how he hopes this assignment leads to a better one with the same company (but still outside the us *frowns*). It was a really nice night. It was good to hear of the things he wants out of life, and to get the feeling that maybe he wants me to come along on his journey.

That night was the first night I realized how much feeling was there when we kissed goodbye. I am not sure if anything change or if I was just more receptive to it. It was during this time I realized that I truly love him. Again, it was a little thing that forced me to see just how much he has come to mean to me. The fact that I want this job to work out for him so much even though him being gone for 9 months is going to be rough on me….. that just is not like me. I am a selfish, self-centered person when it comes to what I want. But in this case, I know his best chance at being happy for a change is to go to this job and where ever it may lead him. I am just hoping hard that once I ask him out right if I am a part of his hopes for his future that I get the answer I want……the little things are pointing to a strong possibility that the answer is the one I want to hear.

Pic of the rider leaving the gate

Its bad when ur cell takes better pics than ur camera!

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Sometimes It’s the Little things

Figured I would do a short post to upload in the morning. Or should I say later this morning. It is 12:30 AM on Saturday, August 08th. I should be trying to sleep, but I am just this side of being able to pass out…..so I guess I will do a first blog post kind of post.

I am a recent college graduate. It took me about 12 years too long to get around to that. Now I am hoping to find a job….*sighs* but where I live is pretty hard up for jobs. I have such diverse interests that trying to tell some one a list of them is almost ridiculous. Pretty much if it exists, I find it interesting for a hot minute LOL.

The title to this blog came from my realization that sometimes it is the tiniest things that are telling in life. Sometimes it is the smallest thing that makes the biggest impact. And most of the time I don’t appreciate those small things nearly enough. I think I am going to start trying to though. If all goes well, I have a long row to hoe ahead in which it will be the smallest simplest gestures that will make it doable. Maybe I will go into more detail in my next post……for right now I am thinking it is time for sleep….

Test...and it worked!!!

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Hahahahha....only took 3 tries to get the right way to upload to here from my cell phone....*thinks she needs to get her provider into the requested to be added to mobile blogging list* LOL